


Mind Games

by Anacia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, More characters to be added, Original Character(s), Self-Insert, Slow Build, Third Shinobi War, explicit because I'm cautious, fair warning that I edit a lot because I'm my worst critic, fair warning that this is the naruto universe and bad stuff happens, what is my writing style even
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-02-03 04:19:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12740874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anacia/pseuds/Anacia
Summary: She'd been a graduate student; focused on history and specializing in warfare. Then she'd...died. One minute there was nothing. The next a little blonde girl was asking for her help. What was she supposed to do? Say no?OC and SI.[[This is currently on hiatus while I get back into the universe and have time from school.]]





	1. Mary I

**Author's Note:**

> In which I am entirely too influenced by all the self-inserts I have very shamelessly read and all the shows I unabashedly watch and all the ideas I audaciously encourage. Oops.
> 
> Also, there is a warning in the tags that this fic isn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows, but if the chapters need to have additional warnings, let me know! I'm more than willing to do that.

Mary didn't expect to die.

Which is a bit of an understatement, all things considering. No one expects to die. Or, rather, no one without a medical diagnosis saying otherwise expects to die. It bothers her more than a little that she can't even remember how it happened. What happened. All she remembers is the sound of someone crying.

And it might be her, but it also might not be her.

Then all she knows is a sea of black nothingness. There is nothing to surround her. Nothing to tell her how much time has passed. She tries counting, but it's daunting and she gives up after reaching 100.

 ** _'Maybe,'_** She thinks, **_'this is all there is.'_**

She isn't happy about it. She doesn't want it, but she isn't sure what else to do. Before long, even the sound of her voice drives her crazy. She'd kill for some static.

_'Help me!'_

Somewhere, in the blackness of everything surrounding her, she hears a voice.

No, that wasn't quite what it was. More like a wailing. Like when John Nelson had yanked her hair so hard she saw chunks of it in his hand. Her own hands had gone to her head and come back red. She'd sobbed so hard her mom had to come pick her up from school. She hadn't returned for the rest of the week.

The voice was scared. But somehow much more than that. Scared didn't begin to describe it. What was overwhelming her. She wasn't even sure of how much time had passed since she had entered the nothingness. It was akin to...to horror. Mary felt instantly concerned. Which was terrifying in and of itself because she was feeling concern and horror at the same time. And horror wasn't even one of her own feelings.

And she hadn't been able to feel anything a while ago, had she?

Were they even her emotions?

 ** _'Don't be silly.'_** She scolded herself.

She was fine. Nothing was wrong. Nothing was going on around her, like nothing had been going on five minutes ago.

She was not thinking about not being able to see herself. Or feel her hands. Not about her attempts to flex her fingers and how she had no inclination of success. Or anything like that. It wasn't because of that. Nope.

But the tingling sensation of dread was settling in. Mary still couldn't tell if it was her own.

 ** _'Are you okay?'_** She tries to ask. Because what else was she supposed to do? It wasn't like anyone was going to reply.

 _'Help me!'_ A squeakier voice cries back. _'Help us!'_

A little kid? What the hell is a little kid doing in...in wherever the hell she is. This has to be some kind of joke. There is no way that she would look at emptiness surrounding her and decide that the best way to reduce boredom is to imagine a little kid. But a little kid she can deal with, especially a lost little one.

And, who knows? Maybe the kid can help her, too.

 ** _'Are you lost?'_** She asks. Doesn't know how the kid can be while surrounded by zilch, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

 _'They took us!'_ It says. She says. _'An' I dunno where! And Maen-kun won' wake up!'_

 ** _'Hey, it's okay! It's okay, sweetheart.'_** She promises. **_'Tell me what you see?'_**

This is the wrong thing to ask. The girl starts wailing about how she can't see out of her eye because the man hit her. And Maen-kun and a bunch of other things and won't she please help?

 ** _'I'm trying,'_** Mary stresses. **_'Tell me what you see and I can tell you where to go.'_**

_‘I can’ see!’_

The next thing she knows, light is flooding the room around her. It's so blinding, compared to the nonexistence of before. She squeezes her eyes shut and it still hurts. She can still see the light from her closed eyelids. The only upside is that she's warm. So warm. So comfortably warm and...was that a breeze? She wants to cry because she's free of whatever oblivion she was in.

When she opens her eyes so they can adjust, her mouth drops open in shock. She's in a meadow. A gorgeous meadow. The kind that Microsoft computers would have in the background. Well, before the user changed it to something meaningful. Not that she needs to be focusing on that. Because all the flowers start to wilt and those look like some nasty rain clouds thundering towards them.

Because the little blonde girl is weeping. Snot streaming down her nose. She's crouched down in the middle of the meadow, rubbing at her eyes and turning them red. Her hair is a tangled mess and she has cuts and the beginnings of bruises coloring her pale skin. And a black eye that looks like someone backhanded her.

 ** _"Oh, sweetheart."_** Her voice lurches, but she kneels down and opens her arms for the girl. **_"Come here."_**

The little girl doesn't hesitate, scrambling to her legs and sprinting into Mary's waiting arms. She cries into her neck, one sob coming after the other. Tiny fingers dig into her skin. The older girl does her best to console her.

 ** _"It's okay. It's okay. I'm here. It's okay."_** She strokes her hair, humming.

The sobbing trickles down into sharp intakes of breath. Mary isn't sure how long the two of them stay like that. Enough for the flowers to start to flourish. Enough for the clouds to disassemble. Enough for her head to hurt.

 ** _"I'll protect you."_** She promised. **_"I've got you."_**

* * *

It takes Mary a solid three minutes after opening her eyes to decide that, no, she doesn't want to deal with this. And if _she_ doesn't want to deal with everything going on around her, there is no way in hell she's going to make Chikako. Chikako is not to regain any semblance of control of her body until she is safe. Preferably back in her room with her favorite dolly. Not if she has anything to do about it. She is going to sleep in that meadow of flowers and let the older girl handle this. Because _fuck_ this.

And _fuck_ whatever deity was out there that did this to her.

She stews in her rage and grits her teeth. Because, thanks to John, she knows exactly how much this is going to hurt. She pulls as many strands of hair as she can. She ignores the despair that it's not her brown hair, but Chikako's platinum blonde. Wind envelops her and her knocked out companion. She opens her hand lets the wind takes some of the strands before ducking down to make sure he's okay.

Yes, Chikako is tiny, but so is her companion.

' _Maen-kun,_ ' comes a tired whisper.

Yes, Maen. Maen who is not in any better shape than Chikako is. Maen; the little boy curled up, shivering and bleeding from the shoulder. Who's ponytail she would gush over if they were in a better place to do it.

A daunting forest replaces the meadows. These aren't the comforting trees in Chikako's memory, of a village she loves. It looks straight out of the Snow White movie. They're just looming over them.

Mary still can't decide if it had been a good idea to talk to the younger girl for as long as she did. She wanted to get as much information as she could about what happened to her. What was currently happening to them. She didn't want to traumatize the girl all over, but she also couldn't be unprepared. Besides, she figured that everything else could would be easy to solve with context clues.

Except that she is entirely out of her depth. She has no reason to believe that Chikako would lie to her given that the little girl had no reason to lie. (Which was worrying in and of itself. Because the little girl trusted her way too easily.) ((And, yes, she already decided to freak _out_ over sharing a _body_ with a _little girl_ AFTER getting her out of this situation.))

"Did you think you would get far?"

The man drops down from the tree (' _He just dropped down from the tree, what the fuck_ '). He doesn't have a scratch on him, even though Chikako insisted Maen managed to hit him.

"Stay the hell away from us." She spits her response.

It isn't quite the same pitch as Chikako's, but it's also not her voice. She's not some little girl... A thought to revisit when she's not being circled by some foul looking predator.

"Does Konoha spit out geniuses?" He muses, but the next instant he's right next to them.

He slings Maen over his shoulder and ignores the way the boy flops. He pulls on her arm, dragging her after him even as she digs her heels into the ground. He has her hanging in the air, face dangerously close, hoisting her up and leaving her legs dangling.

"Let me be clear. The _only_ reason you two snuck away was because I left you alone. Don't think I won't cut off some of your fingers if you don't stop moving."

Mary already can't see much of anything out of her right eye. It's too swollen and throbbing from where this _asshole_ backhanded Chikako for crying. That's not even going into how much her head is screaming at her to do something about the developing migraine that might also be a concussion.

She tries to kick him anyway, stretching her leg out as far as it can go. It's not far at all. He rewards her effort by dropping her. She hits the ground with a sickening pop and her arm goes numb.

"My orders are you take you alive, _girl_. If you keep trying me!"

"You'll what?" She challenges, albeit stupidly. She scrambles away from his half-hearted attempt to pick her back up.

And she knows it. If he wanted to, he would have her cornered in an instant. He's just playing with her. It makes her hate him more. She cradles her injured arm and glowers at him as best she can.

He laughs at her for it.

The man's shadow stretches out into the trees behind him. A shadowy hand stretches up towards his neck, but that's all she sees. Yamanaka Inoichi bends down to wrap her in almost the same hug she'd given his sister earlier.

"Chikako," he breathes in relief. "You're okay."

Mary isn't sure what to tell him.


	2. Mary II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mary cannot deal with everything that's going on and doesn't really try.

Chikako's father is the head of the Yamanaka clan and Inoichi is her brother. The knowledge is both fascinating, sickening, and terrifying to Mary. She spent most of the time between rescue and transport to the hospital on the back of Chikako's _onii-san._ Resting. Pretending to be asleep so she didn't have to answer any uncomfortable questions.

Besides, she was a little tired. Mostly overwhelmed.

Chikako's Otou-san makes her uncomfortable. He is tall and built like a bull, which makes a lot of sense given. He stays in her room long enough to hear her diagnosis before leaving her alone. Inoichi stays long enough to assure her he'll be back after reporting the situation. But, he does leave a photograph behind for her. She smiles at him for it because...what else is she supposed to do?

"I brought Sora-chan, too, so you won't be lonely." He hands her the doll and doesn't move, just _watches_ her.

The doll brings Mary no comfort, but she clings to it with enough conviction that Inoichi buys it. She doesn't want him suspicious, so she's more than thankful when he ruffles her hair. He promises to come back, again, and jumps out the window. Like that's a normal thing to do. The older girl refuses to let that get to her more than it should. She lets her eyes scan the room before focusing on the picture left for her.

It's an platinum-haired, amber-eyed woman: pale and smiling in spite of herself. The room surrounding her looks like the one she's currently in, albeit with more flowers. Despite being the tiny monster-looking thing newborns are, the baby in her arms is Chikako. Has to be, given the patchy blonde hair. Also, Inoichi would have had to leave it behind for a reason. Considering the woman doesn't show up within the next hour or so, the girl hums.

' _Chikako?_ ' She tries to coax, ' _can you hear me?_ '

When the younger girl fails to answer, she tries to see what she can remember. Which is too much for her. No one should be able to remember childbirth and it's _worse_ she wasn't there. She shouldn't be able to remember it so easily, but she does. All the way to the uncontrollable bleeding and the midwife carrying her out of the room. 

She can access the memory and decides not to revisit it again until Chikako is older. Instead, she holds onto the picture and studies it. It's easy to find Chikako's features on the woman, almost scarily so. The girl is almost a spitting image of her mother. It makes her father's clinical distance make sense. His daughter was an unwanted surprise and he lost his wife because of it, but didn't get to chance to grieve.

It's not without reason, then, but it's still a general shitty thing to be unable to pay much attention to his child. Neither is Inoichi around often, but that is more mission-related. Chikako's onii-san is doting brother, showering her with gifts and time. Her favorite doll is a present of his, something he picked up while out.

He is also shorter than his teammates. Mary is only a little ashamed to find him gorgeous. The thought grosses her out because...that's her brother now? No, not hers. Chikako's. It doesn't cheer her up. His hair is much darker than theirs and he has killer eyelashes. Like, she'd seriously kill for eyelashes like that.

Well, no. She wouldn't. She can't say shit like that anymore. Or _that_ because her host is so small and impressionable. And asleep, given that she won't reply to any of her many questions. It's not her fault. She's not used to this and she doesn't know like...anything and she needs answers. She needs context.

She closes her eyes instead of giving in to the panic and tries not to move her arm too much. It's in a sling and will be for the better part of a month. She counts, slow, and lets herself drift off to sleep. At least enough that she can sort through some of Chikako's memories and know what the little girl knows.

When she's satisfied, she wakes herself up. Except that she's not satisfied. She's not even the slightest pleased, although she's glad she's there for the little girl now. Because she's _so lonely_. She clings to Maen and her onii-san and anyone who shows her the slightest attention. 

It's heart wrenching that the rest of her clan pays her more attention than her own father. Not surprising given the anime churns out sob story after sob story, but heart wrenching all the same.

* * *

It is perfectly rational to hate the situation she's in, she decides. She can see the sun setting from her window and her 'brother' still isn't back yet. She's dying of boredom in this room and she doesn't want to be alone with her thoughts.

She died. She _died _. She died and all her family was gone. All her job prospects were gone. The book she was going to publish...useless. The dissertation she'd been working on. It was such a stupid thing to cry about. Completely stupid. But she did. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream because _what the hell_. What had even happened to her? But she couldn't. Because that would take her straight to torture and interrogation.__

____

____

So she tries to focus on finding out what she can. To delve into Chikako's memories and try to dig up what she can. To see everything. To understand. It's not easy. It's not pretty and the results make her as angry as she was the first time.

It wouldn't be fair of Mary to tell the younger girl that her Otou-san is a shit father. That she deserves better. That her brother shouldn't be running himself ragged trying to be both Mama and Papa.

But how does one tell a three year old that?

She doesn't. She'll revisit it when she's older. She can't do it now. Can't do anything right now. Can't even be herself because who would believe her? Doesn't even want to.

Chikako's a smart girl. The type to get into shenanigans. She didn't even bother to crawl. She preferred to roll, hiding under her crib or in her stuffed animals. She loved to hide, to bypass all the baby-gates that Inoichi or whatever genin team he paid to take care of her put up. When she was older, she pulled herself up up on her feet. Would climb up on everything. She babbled, reaching up for anyone who would pick her up and talk and talk and talk.

Or babble. First she babbled.

At night, she'd do the same. Once her hair grew out, her Otou-san spent less time with her. She learned how to walk and run on her own. Begged her brother to show her how to get to the playground and took off. Ran through the gardens and took care of herself.

There was where she had met and befriended Maen. The same who lived up to his Nara name, given how much he liked laying in the same fields of flowers she frequented. She enjoyed making flower crowns.

"Chikako?" Inoichi took her hand. "Are you feeling okay?"

She doesn't know why she does it. Doesn't know what's convincing her to come clean. She doesn't know if it's the memories. Or if it's because she's grieving. Or because she's died.

"If I tell you, do you promise not to be mad?" She asks.

She tries her utmost best to raise the pitch of her voice, like the voice of her host. Inoichi stiffens, but sits in the seat next to her and squeezes. His hand is much bigger than hers.

"I could never be mad at you, imouto. It's not your fault. Nothing that happened was your fault, okay? I should have been here for you. No one is ever going to hurt you."

It almost hurts her to have to tell him, after that. There are words she knows that she should say. But, she doesn't. Because she has no idea. Chikako _doesn't_ feel guilty about what happened to her. She was terrified and lonely, but not guilty. She didn't blame herself.

"I'm not Chikako," she blurts out instead. "I'm Mary. Chikako asked for my help and so I'm here. Right here. I protected her from that ninja, enough for you and your teammates to come save her. She's still here! Just sleeping! When she wakes up, I'll go back to the meadow."

The grip on her hand tightens. The smallest pressure hurts her. She starts trying to yank her hand back and to tear her face away, but she can't.

" _Shintenshin no Jutsu._ "

She thinks, ' _Maybe I didn't plan this well._ '


	3. Chikako I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we see what Chikako is doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short snippet because I'm on vacation. The next chapter will be much longer to make up for it, swear.

Chikako trips over a rock.

She's never had a rock before in her meadow so she doesn't know how she's supposed to feel. It's also not the first time. She sits on her legs and cries.

She cries for a while, into her hands. When she stops, she looks up and her mouth drops. The little blonde is used to flowers. Big ones, tall ones, little ones. Some hiding underneath others. Her Nii-san always brings her some from his missions and a lot of them show up in her head.

There are always flowers when she closes her eyes. Like the ones her Nii-san brings and the ones in her books. She thought, maybe, that would change if she let Mari stay. 

She's right. It does. 

Giant iron buildings erupt from the ground. She's never seen buildings like those before. It's slow, at first, but then they tower over her. Tower over everything. Glittering windows show her what she looks like - sleepy and tired, but the swelling in her eye is getting better. No matter how many times she touches them, waiting to see the imprint of her hand. There isn't one.

She wanders through the flowers and the buildings with lots of room. Memory tells her that hitting the button in the little room will take her up higher. Chikako doesn't know how she knows it, but the rooms she finds are beautiful. And big! And comfortable. 

She sleeps in one of the fluffy beds and marvels in how it feels like _her_ bed, but also _better_.

There is also a library. A huge one housed in a stone building that's _really big_ on the inside and not so much on the outside! She can't really read and of the bigger books, but she can make out a bunch of words on the really little ones. Some words are familiar, and Chikako doesn't know how she knows them, either, but she does. It scares her so she takes the book about the three pigs and runs to the familiarity of her meadow.

She's not certain when she decides Mari is the nicest person she has ever met, but she does think it. The blonde thinks of her brother and the way he promises to take care of her. Then the way he tells her to be good so he can go on missions. When he's gone long, he brings her presents like that makes up for leaving her alone with nobody to play with.

Chikako thinks of her Otou-san and how he spends too much time at work and has her sit in a room that's a little too cold and color. Or read. He gets a family member who's _related_ , but also not really family to take care of her. If she's lucky, the woman takes her to the park. Her Otou-san doesn't ever want to play. They love her. She knows that they love her, but they are not nice to her.

She just didn't know until Mari. And the older girl is strange. She's not perfect. Nobody's perfect, but she's weirdly beautiful. She's really smart! And older than her Nii-san!

She has a room just for herself, too. With people who look like her and in black robes. Big, big books with words too difficult for her to understand. Chikako feels bad being there without Mari, so she takes another room instead. 

She walks through that weird street that connects her familiar Konoha with Mari’s weird city that she's too afraid to really explore. She's too big to reach a lot of the things and being with Mari would be more fun, anyway. 

It's just that she hears someone call her name. Someone that sounds like her Nii-san if she's being honest. She turns to see if she can see him. Next thing she knows, she's being whisked up into someone's arms. Part of her feels like screaming because it is too much like what just happened to her. Her eye barely started healing.

When she takes a deep breath to scream, she accidentally bites onto Mari’s hair. The older girl holds her, hand behind her head and the other underneath her legs. She's not very fast, but she goes into that weird village and so Chikako holds onto her for dear life. 

“I'm scared!” She blurts, clinging to the girl. “What's happening?”

“Inoichi broke into our head.” Mari answers. 

The smaller blonde believes her because that's just the type of thing her Nii-san would do. She wants to relax and tell Mari that it's okay. That her brother would never hurt her, but she's still scared. She doesn't like being chased and Nii-san is always telling her to stay where he can see her. Always telling her to hide if she's scared.

“He won't find us in my room,” she said and points to the number 18. 

Chikako likes Mari. Likes that she feels safe and warm already. Mari called it _their_ head. Like the older girl didn't want to get rid of her or hand her off. She really likes that the older girl listens to her, even if no one else does. She smiles as brightly as she can and hides her face in Mari’s shoulder.

Mari hits the button for 18 and begs for the metal door to close.


	4. Mary III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you find out a lot about Mary and a little bit about Chikako and Mari.

Everything about the room she steps into screams small child. From the color purple to the way that the toys are haphazardly organized in the corner of the room. Oh, it's clean. It has the signs of someone living there. There is something telling about the way little kids clean up. The saying, "out of sight, out of mind" flashes in her head.

Mary doesn't care. She doesn't have time to. She'll take what she can get, and she won't complain. Not if it means she's safer longer. Besides, the room looks too close to the one she had in her own childhood. She can't look at anything too much. She knows she'll want to cry and she doesn't think she should do that to Chikako. She doesn't think she can afford to do that.

It makes sense that Chikako brought her here. It makes sense that the little girl would want the room. Mary can't afford to put anymore stock into it.

Instead, she lowers the younger girl on the bed she's claimed and strides across the room to peer out the window. Her throat tightens as she does, a little fearful that she'll give them away. She can't help but glance at the toddler as she slides off the bed. Chikako trails after her, standing on her tiptoes so she can look out, too.

She only spares her a moment. The older girl can't afford much more than that. She can't see Inoichi, but she knows he's out there. She can feel him. She isn't sure if that means he's close or that he's in her head.

He's in her _head. Their head._

' _What fresh hell is this?_ ' 

There were people who would do anything to be there. Okay, so not in that specific room. Not with Chikako. Not that exact situation, either. But, people who would jump for joy at the chance of getting to meet their favorite characters. In another universe, Mary would be as excited as anyone. It's that she knows the danger. She knows about a bunch of the horrible shit that happens. If she were in the universe that housed, say, Harry Potter, that would be something else.

They didn't have child soldiers.

This? She didn't sign up for this. She didn't want to be here. She wants to give back this opportunity. She'd only sporadically watched the show. She listened to her online friends fandom over cute characters. Maybe she joined in whenever they mentioned someone she knew about. There were some attractive characters, but not this. This wasn't worth it.

Chikako grabs her hand and pulls her away from the window. "I don't want you to leave me."

It hurts her. It’s like a little nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. Mary feels like trash, wanting to leave with that tiny face staring up at her. Maybe it wasn’t worth it. Maybe it would be.

She picks the girl up again, already in a habit. She wanders back towards the small table meant for tea parties and smiles, “Do you want to hear a story?”

* * *

Mary had a life.

She tells Chikako as much when the two of them are together. She lets the younger girl pour her some fake tea and reaches for a cup. She doesn't mean to. It comes out; flowing and overwhelming after a couple of questions. It was her life. It could still be her life, if she could wake up and realize that this was all a carefully cultivated dream. She didn't mention that to Chikako.

Her parents loved her. Her parents loved each other. Hers wasn't a tragic background. Her mom loved to tell the story of how they met. She would giggle like a teenager in love. Her dad would flush red and change the subject because he didn't like to be a sap. But, he would always add in details when prodded.

She liked to prod.

Her name was Mary Adilenne. She couldn't remember a time when her family did not call her 'smarty-pants'. She was smart and ambitious, but not very athletic. She played sports when she was younger, but traded it in favor of academic rigor. She was much better at book learning, much better at understanding people and motives. Mostly from a distance. It got to the point where she was more comfortable behind pages of a book or words on a screen than with people.

Her sister had been the social one. The one that everyone invited to parties. The one who never missed an opportunity to let loose. She had plenty of partners, most of whom dismissed Mary as the little sister. She could have spent hours talking about her. Hours reminiscing about all the hours they had spent together. All the childhood moments of playing; with dolls and will stories. With anything their imagination would let them with.

Laura was her role model. The one people knew better than to cross. She'd been the one to find John Nelson - the idiot boy who yanked out parts of her skull. She hit him so hard with her math textbook that she broke his nose. Her sister had gotten herself suspended. She was ten when it happened. Ever since then, her older sister thought herself the protector. Always looking out for her until Mary was old enough for the roles to switch.

And then, it was only kind of.

Her sister started on her masters at the same time Mary went to the school of her dreams. The one she'd been planning on going to since she first got the idea to head to higher education. She thrived in college, even if she when perpetually cold. A southern girl, she was not used to the colder winters of the country. She didn't have family in the area, but had a handful of friends to remind her when to eat. And to eat a normal, balanced breakfast. She had a best friend best used as a comfortable pillow for when nights in the library got to be too much. It wasn't uncommon for her to be with Elena. They spent too much time in the library. Spent quite a bit of more time in a local coffee shop working on papers. Spent more time online not working on papers.

They had their shows to watch, after all. It didn’t leave much time for a dating life.

* * *

Inoichi finds them because of course he does.

Of course, even in Chikako - _their_ \- head, they're not safe. She should know better. She might not have been a huge fan of the show, but she should have remembered all the rants. All the fangirl moments where Elena would text her a bunch of ridiculous gifs.

It's not pretty. Mary gets cocky, peeking through the window to make sure that they're actually safe. Her little blonde ward is in bed, tucked in and asleep. She fell asleep sometime into the story. She hadn't even realized, so caught up in reminiscing.

He bursts through the window. She doesn't have a lot of time, but throws Chikako's teapot at him at dives behind the bed. The little girl sits up and screams.

"STOP IT!" She wails.

It breaks her heart that it is not Inoichi who Chikako reaches out for, but herself.

Mary picks her up, letting the toddler wrap her legs around her and bury her face in the older girl's neck. With her arms busy, she can't grab onto anything else to throw at younger man. Teen. He's a teenager, younger than her. It takes a lot of effort not to grit her teeth; to instead murmur comforting words.

She's pissed that he ruined their peaceful moment. That he's invading their head. She's even more livid that he looks like he's barely managing to stop himself from going after her. Like he wants to attack her for holding onto his little sister. It's the tears of their youngest member keeps them from ripping into each other.

"Leave her alone," she sobbed. "Mari is my _friend._ "

"Imoto," he tries. "I just want to talk."

"No!" Mary half chokes as Chikako's grip tightens. "You want to take her away, but you can't! You can't take her!"

"I'm not going anywhere, sweet pea." She rubs circles. "I'm right here."

"Don't leave me. Please. Please. _Please._ " Chikako leans back, using one hand to rub her eye and the other to grip Mary's shirt. "Promise? Promise you won't go? Even if nii-san tries to make you?"

"I'm not going to make her do anything, imoto. I want to talk." Inoichi says carefully.

Mary wishes with everything in her that she could believe him. The problem is that she does not. She doesn't believe him for a second. Not even a single second. If she lets go of the tiny human in her arms, he's going to go after her. He's going to go for her throat or her heart or her head in general.

But, Chikako wiggles in her arms and so she puts her down. Mary wipes the tears away with her sleeve and tries not to startle. She swallows the lump in her throat and clenches her shirt in her hands.

Chikako runs to her brother, arms up. He swings her up and hugs her, eyes tight and on her face.

"Who are you?" He keeps his voice as tight as his eyes. "How did you get here?"

"Her name is Mari!" Her hosts pipes up through her sniffles. "She's my friend! She protected Maen-kun and me!"

"I don't know where I was. I don't know how I got here." She answers because it'd be best not to make him angrier. "Someone asked me for help so I stepped in."

It takes Inoichi a while to respond to her, but he does. After using his sleeve to wipe the snot dripping down from Chikako's face. "I thank you for taking care of her, but you're not needed. My sister didn't know what she was asking, but she doesn't need you. I'm here."

"You weren't there, though. You're not always there. That's the problem." She bites back because she's not about to let some teenager yell at her when she's done nothing wrong. "She asked for my help and so I tried. I didn't know anything about what was going on, but I got to her first. I never would have let her be there. I wouldn't be casually talking about a traumatic event in front of her. So. Back. Off. That's all I'm going to say."

Chikako kicks him. She pulls his hair. The sniffling that started to diminish breaks into new heart wrenching sobs.

"Stop it, nii-san! Stop it!"

Mary flexes her fingers and shows him her palms. "All I want is to protect her. The question is are you going to let me?"

Her host kicks at his stomach and runs back to her, throwing her arms around Mary's leg. She's shaking and all the older girl wants to do is hug her, but she refrains. Instead, she tangles her fingers in the girl's hair.

"I want her to stay. Please, nii-san?"


	5. Chikako II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a little bit of a time skip and school is forever boring.

She ties her hair up with a purple ribbon and stares at herself in the mirror again. Her bangs frame her face, but it's her own fault for insisting on the cut. She is as ready as she can be. She knows she should be nervous. She knows she should worry that she's not ready for any of this, but Chikako wants no more. She no longer wants any caretakers. She doesn't want Mari to have to be her for too long. She's ready.

**_‘You look very cute.’_** Mari's voice drifts in her head.

The blonde beams at her for saying it. The truth is, Mari helped her pick out this outfit. Her nii-san might have approved it, but it would have taken them a lot longer. She knows it's not good for her to fight in, but today is only the first day. She doesn't think that they'll be fighting for long.

Besides, her outfit is _purple_. A beautiful long-sleeved kimono shirt with lilac and white flowers on her sleeves. The saleswoman even gave them a matching skirt. She has a bunch of other outfits, but this one is her first day outfit! The one she knows she'll impress in.

She needs her nii-san's help in tying the obi around her waist, but she's ready. Really ready. She didn't even pout when her nii-san shook his head at her. It's not like she doesn't have shorts underneath. Of course she does! In case she needs to run or show how prepared she is.

"I'm ready!" She beams and skips to the front door.

Inoichi-nii takes forever. She bounces back and forth on her feet, waiting for him. He takes seconds-that-feel-like-years putting his pouch on. Hers is safe on her leg, secured. It's tight, but not too tight. She doesn't listen to Mari's angry protests. Her guardian has had about two years to get used to the idea. Chikako's going to go to the Academy and be a kunoichi like her mama.

"Have your lunch?" Nii-san asks her, _finally_ getting to the door. "Pencils? Scrolls?"

"Yes! Yup! Uh-huh!" She answers. "Nee-chan made sure before bed yesterday."

Her brother tenses like he does every time she mentions her guardian. They aren't friends, but they don't fight anymore. At least, they don't fight where she can see. They try to hide it. Or they ignore each other, which is why she's wearing a ribbon.

When they don't wear it, it tells her nii-san that Mari's there.

But, today is Chikako's first day at the Academy! She's too excited to let Mari live the day. Maen-kun even promised to sit next to her if they were in the same class.

Her nii-san walks to her the Academy. He lets her ask all the questions she's already asked him. It's not her fault. It's because his answers are not good enough the first time.

"Will I be stronger?" and "Will I learn a lot?" and "Did you love it?"

There are a bunch of other questions, too. She rattles them off before he can even answer one. His answers make her want to ask more questions, too!

Besides, it's not like she'll get this chance again. She's already promised herself she was going to be the best kunoichi. She was going to listen and take notes and make sure that Mari listened, too. Her best friend was going to be a ninja sometimes, too. It would do them no good if only one-half of them learned to be strong.

Cause then what would happen to them?

Nothing good! But, that means that she can't ask all the questions that she wants to in class. Mari's pointed out plenty of times in her stories of Satou Haru that no one lines know-it-alls, least of all Harumi. It confuses her that they have to chakra there. That they have no way to do jutsu and yet make grand things happen. The older girl calls it magic and gets all dreamy about it.

She leaves her brother at the gate because she is a big girl. She doesn't need him to embarrass him by giving her a giant and crushing hug. Instead, Chikako gives him a fast one and races off to join Maen. She's pretty sure he's pretending to sleep against the wall. Well, knowing him like she does, she doesn't think he's faking it. Maen-kun has always had a gift for sleeping everywhere.

It might be a Nara thing.

"Maen-kun!" She trills, taking off her pack with care and poking his cheek. "Couldn't sleep in the classroom?"

He groans and tries to hit her hand. "I was waiting for you."

"Come on, then! Let's see if we're in the same class, silly!"

She doesn't _squeal_ when she finds they are together. That would be embarrassing, but she thinks about it. Instead, she grabs his hand and pulls him in the direction. There are plenty of girls that she could sit with, but she doesn't know them. And, they're giggling like this is some sort of game to them. It makes her even angrier that it's apparently over some _boy_ , but Chikako doesn't like to judge others.

Mari does, though. **_‘Get used to it, sweet pea. These girls will be in class with you for years.’_**

"We should graduate early. To get away." She says, meaning for it to be to her guardian. She has trouble sometimes answering her in their head. She's lucky that Maen-kun snorts like she's talking to him.

"No, thanks. Ten is early enough for me." He flops down in his seat. He doesn't have any supplies with him.

She's not surprised. Maen's like the rest of his clan. Smart enough not to have to write things down. If there is something that they don't know or he can't remember, he'll ask to look at her notes or something.

She wants to tell him that ten is not early enough for her. That she means to leave much earlier if she is able, but she doesn't. He'll roll his eyes at her and Mari will get upset.

**_'I'm already upset.'_** Mari grumbles. **_'This is ridiculous. You're too little to be fighting.'_**

_'If otou-san and nii-san started training me earlier, you wouldn't be here.'_ Like that makes it worth it. _‘I’m not fighting yet, anyway!’_

* * *

This is not how she thought it would be. She knew from her nii-san and Mari that being at the academy wouldn't be the _most_ interesting thing in the world. She wishes she would have listened to them. She would have thought to fill her bag with her colors and a journal. She would have practiced her handwriting or her drawing. She doesn't think it's any good and she will _not_ believe her nii-san when he puts it on their fridge.

Otou-san is right in taking them down. Chikako wishes she knew where he put them. She tells herself that he hangs them up in his office. That her not-so-good pictures are just-good-enough to hang up in his office. She does not let herself believe that he throws them away.

Next to her, Maen-kun stretches his arms out in front of him. His eyes tell her that he is sleepy and also regrets not bringing something to do. He's about three minutes from falling back asleep, and she wonders whether it would be smart to join him. She was too jittery last night to settle into sleep and Mari locked herself up in some office.

Her eyes feel just a little heavy. She catches her body twitching and the edges of her vision start blurring. She could get away with it. She knows she can.

Mari doesn’t say anything. She might not even be paying attention, but Chikako can still hear the older girl scold her. Telling her that it was not _Mari’s_ decision to be here. Civilians started school later in the day. She resolves to wake herself up. To be a better student. So, she leans over. She reaches into her bag and she pulls out her water bottle. She forces herself to take some careful sips and secures the lid on it. She wants to put it back in her bag, but pushes it towards the corner of the desk anyway.

She is lucky she listened to Maen-kun. It was so smart of him to suggest sitting in the back. No one could throw stuff at them and where sensei can't get a good look at what they're doing. Or what they're not doing. Which is paying attention as he drills in the idea that being a ninja is not what they think.

Is it something that's supposed to be easy?

She doesn't think so. She hopes that most of the others know that, too. They shouldn't be ninjas just because it's _cool._ They should be ninjas because of what it'll mean for them. Because their loved ones need them! Because it is their _duty_ and their _honor_ to protect and serve!

She moves to pick up her pen and start again on her notes, but flinches at the realization that she already has. It's her pink pen, which is not her favorite. But, taking notes is not her favorite thing and so it makes sense. The words on her paper stare back at her.

> **you are a child**
> 
> **meant to be protected**
> 
> **meant to be loved**
> 
> **a precious person**
> 
> **you have the right t**

She does not remember writing it.

_'Mari?_ ' She frowns. _'Mari, did you do this?'_

The older girl does not answer the first couple of times that she asks. She doesn't answer even when they head out for lunch. (She worked hard with her nii-san yesterday to make sure that her rice balls turned out perfect. She only thought about snacking on them, like...twice.) Maen-kun even pokes her arm with a whisper to pay attention when Daiki-sensei looks over at them. She smiles and makes herself seem much more interested in what they're talking about than she is.

_'Mari?'_ Chikako doesn't mean to be so distracted.

_**'Chikako?'**_ The younger girl can't see the older one, but she can almost see the way Mari's face twists into confusion. _**'I'm sorry, sweet pea. Did you need something?'**_

"Can you get me some water?" She beams at Maen-kun, leaning over. "You should get some, too!"

He gives her the same look nii-san gives her whenever she's being too demanding. For once, he's not sleepily looking around him. He's not playing any games - neither of them know their classmates, so they stick with each other. He watches a group of boys start a game of tag.

"Or you can join them if you want." Because she definitely does not want to play, but she also doesn't want to keep Maen-kun from playing if he wants to. "I'll watch our stuff!"

"Yeah, okay. But only for a little while."

She nods her head and pulls his stuff closer to her, using it as a makeshift blanket. She watches everyone around her. She doesn't focus on the game the boys are playing, though she notes who's there. Maen-kun. The two Hyūga kids have the same idea they do, bunching away from the large group of civilian students.

_'Were you me, earlier?'_ She fusses because this is important. If they can't work on who's when, nii-san will get angry. _'When I wasn't paying attention?'_

_**'No. I was trying to figure out which story to tell you about tonight, why?'** _

Chikako only has to wait a beat before it happens. Mari can read her thoughts; knows how she feels.

_**'Honey bee, I didn't do that.'** _

_'Oh. That's not good?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I am not fluent in Japanese. I'm not sure about their mannerisms. I'm trying to go off what I've read and some other fanfics, but keep that in mind. The only times I will use Japanese is when I'm addressing honorifics and jutsu, probably. Also, Chikako is 5 years old in this chapter. Mary is 24. When I read over my own writing, everything makes sense to me. I've also plotted out tentative events and reactions, so I have a pretty good understanding of how I want things to go. However, I realize that it is not the same for everyone. So if there is something that confuses you, please feel free to ask! Or go ahead and tell me what you love about the story or what you wish to see. I'm pretty flexible and just might incorporate it.


	6. Mary IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mary finishes off their first day of school.

Mary takes over after lunch. Neither she nor Chikako can come up with any ideas. It stresses them both out, but she's the older one. It takes more than absent actions to make her panic. She has, after all, died. Everything else kind of pales in comparison. (It takes Chikako 2 minutes into brainstorming to beg her to take over: ' _please, please. I don't want to. I need a break. I don't want to cry and everyone will think I'm stupid and not ready to be a kunoichi, but I am! I am, Mari!'_ )

She knows she should be tougher. Knows that she shouldn't cave in to the whims of a five year old. That it was not _her_ idea to enroll in the Academy. _She_ had no desire to be a kunoichi, not even at the most smallest level. (Well, okay, so ninjas had access to things that civilians did not. Including books and scrolls. That was, she held firmly, the only good thing about it.) There was also the whole it'd-be-so-freaking-cool thought here and there. Most of which were intrusive thoughts. Because, come _on. Seeing people jump from building to building and do impossible feats isn't ordinary. But, Mary had read enough war papers. Hell, she'd _written_ enough papers over the psychological effects of war._

__

__

She'd even _published._

Of course, that was all undergraduate work and subject to scrutiny, but still. It was the thought. She'd gotten her acceptance into grad school with that work, so obviously there was some merit. She doesn't like to think about it, though. And arguing with Chikako makes her think about it. It makes her realize that everything she had worked for was for not; it's no longer her life.

She relents.

Yes, she caves in and gathers their stuff and Maen's things. She's not about to leave it out there for anyone to go through. His estimate of a little while turns into a long one. Probably because he's too nice to quit and make the game uneven. He comes back right before they head back inside with green stains on his pants and dirt on his nose. Mary's unwrapping the ribbon from their hair when he slumps into step next to her.

"Oh, hi Mari-chan." He greets her, taking the ribbon from her hand. "Let me help."

She does. Maen is their friend and the only person outside of the Yamanaka clan (to her knowledge) that knows about her. Chikako can't keep a secret from him, not even if she tried. Because she did; for a day and then cried about being a bad friend. Giant, seemingly endless tears about how he'd leave them and hate her. With Chikako's big toddler eyes and her own desire to be recognized as a person, she indulged her.

"Thanks, Maen." She admires the purple ribbon around her wrist, then winces, "kun. Maen-kun."

He laughs and sticks his hands in his pockets. He takes lead of where they're going, correctly guessing she has no idea which class is theirs.

"You're getting better at remembering." He assures her.

"You're such a liar!" But, she is. There are things she's not used to, but both Chikako and Maen work to better her social skills.

He doesn't stay awake for long. At least not where they can talk. She's taken to writing stories - in what Japanese she knows and is able to extract from Chikako. She doesn't want to fight Inoichi again. Doesn't want to give Inojin another reason to avoid his daughter. Besides, both Chikako and Maen like listening to them. She's already done most of the Disney ones she can remember. She fumes all over again that she'll never get to see _Incredibles 2._

She writes about what she knows. It's not interesting to Chikako, but Maen eats these stories up. History is what she knows. What she's good at. It's not like she goes crazy deep into the details. She doesn't give the detailed explanations, though she repeats them to herself. To them, she emphasizes that they're "made up stories".

So, she downplays the achievements of Ferdinand and does not paint him in the best light. She extols Isabella's intelligence. Maybe she warns against discrimination and its effects. It doesn't matter that she lays it on a little thick. With all the propaganda and indoctrination they'll get, she wants to paint doubts.

Maybe she tells Chikako about the Bill of Rights and the Rights of Men and the Civil Rights and definitely about Women's Rights. Maybe it wasn't Mary who wrote the sentiment in Chikako's pink pen, but she doesn't disagree with it. She doesn't see how that makes her 'radical', Inoichi.

Chikako's world is authoritarian. Nearly the textbook definition of it. Everything that is around them is at the will of the Hokage. Mary doesn't love it. Hates that it's her reality. Abhors more than it's Chikako's reality, but there's nothing she can do. She is present. She is valid, but she's not in charge. As soon as Inojin had signed those papers, that was it. It was their sentence.

The only thing she can do is teach what she knows and hopes that something sticks.

Mary fills their head-library with books she can remember. She fills their physical one with books that won't immediately get her thrown into Torture and Information. Inoichi would love nothing more than to rip her out of Chikako, as painfully as possible.

* * *

They get a test.

It doesn't seem hard. She answers the first two questions without even thinking about it. ('What are the elemental forms that chakra can take?' and 'What are the different specializations? List 10.') She gets through half of the packet before one stumps her. She's never been the best at math, so projection questions always throw her.

At least long enough for her to realize that the test is becoming more and more difficult. A peek at Maen tells her that he's way behind her and getting frustrated. He's lazy, true, but he's also competitive. Daiki-sensei starts collecting the papers of the students who've given up. Some are even crying. By the time he gets to their row, only two other students still have the test in front of them.

When sensei gets to them, Maen hands up his paper. Mary does, too, but because she's finished. They may throw her, but she's an adult.

She'll keep telling herself if she forgets. She's an adult.

Daiki-sensei gives her a speculating look. She pointedly does not overt her eyes. A _grown-ass_ adult. She's not so easily intimidated. It tells him something because he gives a half-nod and moves to collect from the Hyūga and the Uchiha.

They're taken outside. To a track.

_'You're so lucky I love you._ ' Mary grumbles, stretching her legs out. _'I hate working out.'_

The little one doesn't answer her.

They're told to run until they're not longer able to. Or until they feel they've done enough. Maen stops running with her after two laps and stops running all-together after lap seven. By lap twelve, it's her, another girl, and four boys. She could keep going. Probably. Except that she knows it's not going to end there. She doesn't want to exhaust herself and be more sweaty than she already is.

She joins Maen in sitting down, going through more stretches to limber herself up. There's not point in Chikako being tired and sore tomorrow...or later when she takes over.

The Inuzuka boy lasts a half-lap less than the Hyūga boy who stops, joining their respective cliques. The other kids whisper, likely because he let an Uchiha beat him or something as ridiculous. She doesn't like clan politics anymore than Chikako does.

The Uchiha kid goes three more laps before stopping. He huffs but regulates his breath with the ease of someone who's used to running laps. Damn clan training.

They move on to other exercises. She finishes in the top 10 in most of them, trying hard enough to take top kunoichi spot. She may not agree with what they're doing, but she wants Chikako to be on top. When they get to the flexibility part of their workout, she shines.

She moves into a handstand and then to the Bird of Paradise position. From there she does the Dragonfly and then all the poses they ask and more that they don't. If only Mary could have told her boyfriend those yoga classes she took weren't pointless.

All the while she tells herself that she doesn't approve. That, despite her field, war has never excited her. She doesn't want all the problems for her partner-host. It doesn't mean that she's going to stand by. She's not going to sabotage the girl any. That will just get them killed. She's going to make damn sure that her girl is safe and healthy. Even if it means in participating in their terrible and brainwashing system.

"Nicely done, Chikako-chan." Sensei compliments her.

She must have a look on her face because Maen bumps into her shoulder and rolls his eyes at her. "You're a show off too, Mari."

She hums in response, pleased by the acknowledgement. Then bumps him back. "Thanks. It helps that Chikako does the right exercises."

The Uchiha boy, picking up his pace and his things from the back of the group, chooses that moment to pass them. He gives her a weird look and quickens his pace.

When they're all done, it takes most of her willpower to keep herself from falling over. Her arms feel like their a moment away from falling off. Her body tingles like static. Like she's sat on her legs for too long and now they're asleep. Chakra exhaustion, from the ninjutsu portion of the test.

Definitely had to call up some of Chikako's memories with Inoichi there.

She pops a piece of chocolate in her mouth and tries not to think about Remus Lupin and Harry Potter and dementors.

She doesn't like to spend any time with Inoichi, slotting all that time for Chikako. He and Inojin remain her least favorite people. She gets that Chikako's nii-san is supposed to be great with people. He's supposed to get along with most everybody he meets. She doesn't see it. She only ever sees the discomfort and annoyance.

She gets that it's difficult. Gets that it's not the most ideal situation to be in; he wants his little sister. It's frustrating that he doesn't see her as an extension of the blonde. (Even if understandable; on her worst days, she doesn't see herself as part of Chikako, either.)

_**'I don't like when you don't get along.'**_ Chikako says, voice sullen.

"Sorry," she apologizes. Because she is. She doesn't like making things more complicated.

"It's not a problem." The Hyūga says, shifting to put some distance between them. "Take care to watch more closely in the future."

She must look confused because he clarifies, "You stumbled into me."

Maen grabs her arm and pulls her away, closer to him. It'd be almost protective if he didn't poke his finger into her arm. "Sorry. Chikako-chan zones out sometimes."

She lets him drag her away and mouths an actual apology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I mean it when I say they make my day. I'm torn between wanting to tell y'all what's what and letting you suffer. >)


	7. ??? I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which she wonders.

She wonders if they even know she's there, in the background. In one of the concrete buildings. Mary/Mari calls them skyscrapers. Chikako calls them 'tall buildings'. She has to take an elevator up to her room. It's nowhere near theirs. She's designed her own room; decorated in their interests and her own. It's filled with different flowers from the meadow.

She wonders if they can hear her. If they can feel what she feels. It's frustration that they don't seem to acknowledge her. A small part of her thinks they ignore her. Because they do not need her. They seem like they have everything under control. She'll admit that she does not. There are things that still confuse her. Chikako and Mary confuse her.

She shouts at them, sometimes. Screams and begs for someone to listen to her. She tries to help bridge any gaps. Can't they see her, in the skyscraper rooms of Mary’s design? Can't they hear her laugh at Chikako’s silly pictures? Don't they know she's there?

She talks to them even when they can't listen. Or don't want to listen. It keeps her sane. She learns all types of things, like how to say Mary. Like how Mary doesn't belong in this world. Like how the world she lived in was different. Not necessarily bad, but not great.

Yeah. Definitely not great. 

She's not got the best control. She tries and tries and tries to break out. To take control of the body. Of Chikako’s body. Of Mary’s body. She succeeds only for a little bit. Because it's Chikako and not Mary, she is able to pick up Chikako’s pink pen. She writes.

She writes, 'you are a child.' She writes, 'meant to be protected' and means it. Because Mary means it. Because Chikako is a child and her home is at war with other people’s homes. War is not good. She learns that war is terrible and breaks things and people. It's the people she's worried about. It's her people. Chikako’s people. Mary knows this and tries to convince Chikako to choose a different life.

War has hurt Mary, she thinks. 

Mary fails. Mary fails because she does not think she's entitled to opinions. She tries to write, 'you have the right to be.' It makes her sad that she can't finish. She can't tell Mary that she should make decisions. She does not get to write, 'do not let them dictate your life.'

She is not strong. She is not strong enough. She can only reach Chikako when she pays no attention. She screams for Mary and her voice bounces back to her. 

Mary takes over their body. 

She can't break out when Mary takes over. She can't do anything. But, she tries. Tries to tell her that it's not a good idea to be so brilliant, even if it's what Chikako wants. Tries to tell her it's not brilliant to show off any physical prowess because it'll get them all into trouble. Tries to tell her that it's wrong to hit children, so she should refrain from beating Jiro in the taijutsu match.

Mary doesn't hear her. Maybe Mary ignores her on purpose.

She doesn't know. It upsets her. It's more than frustrating, not being heard. It's words she hasn't learned yet. She has many questions. Even more ideas. 

It's Mary in charge, so she goes and looks for Chikako. She wanders out of her skyscraper room and follows her instinct. She doesn't remember where she learned how to do it. She finds the young girl surrounded by a field of violets. She calls after her and gets no response. It doesn't stop her from plopping down next to her.

"Imagine a world where you didn't have to be a ninja," she paints. "Imagine a world like Mary's. You could go to school. You'd only be learning how to read now. You'd get to decide to be anything you want to me. I think you'd want to be a princess."

Chikako doesn't answer her. Chikako closes her eyes and sighs.

"You could be a princess here, too, I think. It's that, there, you could be an astronaut princess. Mary would go to school. Probably make out with her boyfriend if she could. You'd like him."

Chikako says something, but it's garbled. She disappears in a shimmer. In her place, Mary sits up and rubs her shoulders. She's sweaty and frowning. She gets up, pausing and answering Chikako's question.

She waves, but Mary does not see her. When she pays attention, Chikako is reaching out to her brother. Inoichi almost killed Mary. For that, she does not like him. She worries they will tell him what she's done. Worries that he will rip into their mind and find her. The thought of being heard is appealing, but she doesn't want him there.

She doesn't want to be taken away. She doesn't want Mary to be taken away.

They don't tell him. Or, Chikako doesn't tell him. Instead, she fills him in on her day. Tells him about the test and how she doesn't think she'll graduate early this year, but that it's a possibility. Then she tells him that she thinks she'll wear a different color tomorrow and can they go to the park to play?

Please, can't they? Before dinner?

She laughs because it's such a Chikako thing to do.

Her brother takes her to the park, but he doesn't look happy. She doesn't know if it's because he's a ninja in a village at war or because he has to take his sister to the park. Maybe because she might be joining him soon, thanks to Mary. She hopes that it's not too soon. 

She hopes Maen won't graduate too soon, either. She loves Maen and would hate to see anything bad happen to him. Actually, she would hate for any of those kids to graduate early. Kids should have time to be kids. She fumes because she knows that she can't do anything about it. She can't lead a band of revolutionaries.

Can she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaaat?
> 
> Let me know what you think! Special thanks to everyone who reviewed. I had a tough week and your reviews meant a lot to me!


	8. Chikako III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chikako doesn't have the best day(s).

For a moment, when she's back, her limbs feel like pins and needles. It happens every time she comes back. She never asks if Mari feels the same way, but she thinks so. It's like Chikako's holding on to static. Hugging it close to her like it's one of her stuffed animals and plush dolls. She feels too warm, like her chakra is going haywire. It's almost like when her chakra foils started to develop all over again.

She forgets the exact word for it. She can sort of remember what nii-san said about it, but not what it's called. And, anyway, another good word would be itchy! She's itchy. There's also a burst of energy that fades when there is nothing immediately in front of her to waste it on.

She's a little mad that _she_ isn't the one to fight Jiro-kun, but only a little!

"Hold on, Maen-kun!" She pulls her hand from his.

She shakes herself; once and quick. To remind her body that she's there once more. To feel like herself. Her left shoulder fusses in response. Jiro-kun might not have won the taijutsu match against Mari, but he did hit hard when he could. She's so sure that she could have beat him up if she had the chance, too! She's a lot better of a fighter than Mari is.

After all, she remembers all her training! It's Mari who forgets to keep their thumb in her fists. It's why Chikako's hand hurts right now. She should have gone to that genin healer when she had the chance. There was just a _line_ and she still feels peppy, so she doesn't want to wait in line.

She has things to do. Instead, she lets Maen-kun drag her away and only stops him long enough to pull the ribbon edge and re-tie it in her hair. Maen-kun dutifully waits for her to finish before bumping his hip against hers. The further along they go the more other, much older students surround them.

Students who deserve to graduate early because they're ready to. She's not ready to go out there. Not like her nii-san. Not like Chōza-nii and Shikaku-nii. She's not _stupid._ She may not be Mari-smart, but she's not dumb. She knows what she can handle and what she can't handle.

She can handle her lessons. She knows what she knows and, yeah, maybe Mari helps her. Maybe she isn't doing it by herself, but Inuzuka's have their dogs. The Aburame have their bugs. The Hyūga and the Uchiha have their special eyes. Even Jiro-kun had his genjutsu talent. Lots of clan kids have advantages.

"Will you be finishing the test tomorrow or Mari-chan?" He shoves his hands in his pockets.

She thinks it's a gift that all Nara's have. The ability to look curious and yet mad at the same time. Because Shikaku-nii also gets that look, even if it's mostly for nii-san. She doesn't think about the way her face warms.

"Me! Sorry, Maen-kun. I just got really frustrated and mad." It's not a good excuse. She can see it on his face. "I'll be here tomorrow, promise."

He nods and says goodbye, heading towards his okaa-san. She waits by herself, bouncing back and forth on her feet. She pulls on the strap of her bag until it's exactly where she wants it. Among many things, Mari always forgets to readjust it.

"Imoto!" Her brother waves.

"Nii-san!" She shouts, sprinting and throwing her hands up to be lifted.

He laughs at her, but he also indulges her. He swings her up into the crook of his arm and spins. "You look like someone who had a good day."

"Mhmm!" She beams. "We had an aptitude test. Part one, at least. More to come tomorrow, but I'll be ready!"

Chikako can see that he wants to ask her about it. Can see the way his eyes drift towards the ribbon in her hair. She stops him. She doesn't want to answer. It's bad enough Maen-kun isn't happy for her, but she just _knows_ nii-san will make it a bigger deal than it has to be.

"Can we go to the park?"

He doesn't look surprised from her shift in attention. He never is. Her nii-san knows her and, better, knows how to read her. It's okay because she's gotten pretty good at knowing him. Her nii-san has a _bunch_ of tells.

Like how he looks suspicious right now. How he gets that look on his face. The one where she knows he's just trying to make her feel like she's getting away with something. When they both know that she is not and that they'll bring it up, later.

They walk to the one closest to their home. Better, nii-san walks the whole way and she clings to him. She babbles about everything and nothing. She complains about the parts of class she can remember and giving no details on what she can't. Instead, she changes the subject.

"I'll tell you when I know what'll happen!"

* * *

Her nii-san leaves the next morning. She clings tightly to his neck, piggybacking until they reach the gate. She's not the only one seeing them off. Her nii-san's _girlfriend_ is there, too. She's not jealous. She's a little mad that she shows up because it's Chikako who's family. She’s not clenching her fists. She’s not. That would choke her nii-san. She loves him. Even though he’s leaving her. He has to go and live with Chōza-nii and Shikaku-nii. It's the little blonde girl who has to go back home and pick out her outfit. And make her own lunch. (Or have Mari make her lunch.) And avoid her otou-san.

Not because she doesn't love him! She loves him. It's just that it's better for them both if they don't try to talk to each other. Not if her nii-san isn't there to defend her if she makes him mad.

Sometimes, she makes him mad.

She waves goodbye and blows kisses. Her nii-san catches and throws back until Chōza-nii drags him away. She shifts back and forth on her feet, bouncing until she's sure that she can no longer see them.

"Want me to walk you back, Chikako-chan?" Kotoe asks.

"No thanks!" She says, quickly. "I gotta go see Rumiko-sensei. I'll see you later."

She doesn't want to see her later. She also doesn't have to go see Rumiko-sensei for another half hour. What Kotoe doesn't know won't make Chikako have to spend any more time with her than she has to. It's true that she has a _short_ session today. That she'll have to run from the clinic near the Yamanaka compound all the way to the academy, but she can do it. She doesn't need anyone looking out for her.

Her nii-san trusts her.

And, anyway, it's not true. She needs Mari-nee and she's there. If the five year old concentrates, she can feel her there. All she needs to do is say something. But, Mari needs a break too. That's what she tells herself. Mari needs a break, and Chikako needs to learn how to deal with her problems.

She takes the long way to the clinic, humming and making sure that her outfit isn't too restraining. She's a little cold in the Konoha morning, in her sleeveless white V-neck shirt and maroon shorts. She pulls at the end of her braid. At the ribbon that's tied around the edge. She can do this.

She'll keep repeating it so long as she needs to.

That'll at least make Rumiko-sensei happy. 

She's been going to Rumiko-sensei's clinic for as long as she can remember. Nii-san told her she'd been going sporadically before - for check-ups. He makes sure she goes whenever he isn't deployed or on a mission. He makes her promise that she will go, even when he's not there. He made it a condition for Mari.

It's why she goes, even though she'd much rather go to the Academy and train. Be prepared. She doesn't want Kotoe to walk her. Chikako doesn't even like Kotoe. She knows she's supposed to, but she can't shake the disgust that pools in her stomach. The injustice that he would steal away what's hers. And he is, hers. He is _her_ brother.

Rumiko-sensei pulls her into a hug. It's the first thing that she does. It's the first thing she always does. It's to make her feel safe...or something. She has to actively work to keep from smiling big. Instead, she fidgets. She remembers what she felt like with Kotoe and focuses on it. It makes her want to beat her pillow.

"How are you doing, Chikako-chan?" Rumiko-sensei leads her up into the clinic.

She immediately goes to the corner where she's allowed to draw. She's _not_ good at it. She can write beautifully. Nii-san says her penmanship is better than half the people he works with. But, it feels good to let herself draw. Even if it's a bunch of doodles that will end up in the trash.

Therapeutic, Rumiko-sensei says.

"I'm great!" She lies, but she knows how to fake it. She looks down and draws big circles, but not angrily. She keeps the circles light, without a bunch of pressure. "Nii-san's deployed. But, he promised to write me letters. Shikaku-nii promised he'd _make_ him write, too."

"Does that make you nervous?"

"A little! But, I know that nii-san is strong and brave. He'll come back. Mari's helping me learn how to make easy lunches, and I'll be busy at the academy most days, anyway."

Rumiko-sensei gives her a look. She sees it from the corner of her eye. Thank Kami it's a short session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank WitchHunterRobin for the review! I had to think about a couple of things.


	9. Mary V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary worries a lot.
> 
> Because Chikako is a tiny, cute mess.

Mary sees the best in therapy. She admits as much when the younger girl complains about having to go. She, herself, had the 'millennial problem.' A life of anxiety and depression that was carefully managed with a mixture of pills and therapy. She knows that it's good for Chikako to attend and for the older girl to pay no attention when she does. She retreats into their mind and busies herself. She reads or colors or plots.

What once worked for her, after all, won't work for the younger one. It will only stunt her to put her on a regimen of medicine alone. It's bad enough that they don't have the advancements in mental health here that she's used to. What she does stress - and what Rumiko tells/reminds Inoichi - is that nothing she does will be instant. Five or six sessions will not have much of an influence.

She knows that by now. Know what she needs to do to refocus her thoughts on what's not going to hurt her. She also knows that Chikako is five. She does not have the knowledge and know-how that the twenty-something year old does. She knows the younger girl still gets frustrated. She tries to hide away her feelings and pull one over on the counselor. She fails. By the end of the session, she's cried at least twice. If in short bouts.

One day, Mary decides, Chikako will be a wonderful actress. She'll be incredibly gifted at blanking her face and hiding what she's thinking. She'll be strong. Probably a little terrifying.

(She does not think about how they are all a little terrifying.)

Chikako wants everything to be instant. She wants results. She hates having to train her stamina, but she hates being sweaty after running laps. She wants to be good enough - 'healthy enough' - to prove that she doesn't need the sessions they make her attend. That she's fine. That everything is fine.

It's important to Mary that her sunshine child talk to someone who is not _her_ that takes her serious. Someone who will believe in her and be there for her. Rumiko is a Yamanaka. One separated from the main line and a civilian to boot. Even the clan civilians buy into the propaganda, but it could be worse.

Mary can only be there for so much. She can't envelop the girl into a hug whenever she's in a bad mood. She can only take over when she's overwhelmed. It's like she's alive and not alive at the same time. Her promises to do anything and everything she can to help the blonde can only do so much. Chikako might not admit it, but she needs help. She needs people to look at her and not see her mother. Not see her family. She needs people to look at her and believe in her. She has exactly four people in her corner. One might day any minute now, out on the front. Another is in her head. The third paid to be there, however much she cares for the girl regardless. The fourth is also five. It's not great, but the older girl knows plenty who have done more with less.

That bothers her, too.

Yeah, Maen is an important friend for Chikako to have. Maen might even be significant for her because she has him and Inoichi. A little Rumiko, but the counselor's prime concern is the younger Yamanaka. Maybe Inoichi's teammates, but their perception of her is colored by Inoichi. The problem that Inoichi has with her is that Chikako has developed _her_ and, to the world, Maen is still a five year old. If he's developed a personality, they are unbeknownst.

Mary has her own mandated sessions to attend. To make sure that she's not 'doing irreparable damage' or something like that. She zones out because the only thing she's doing is making sure that Chikako knows she's loved and valued.

She is glad, though, when Chikako makes no mention of the handwriting incident. It's not a comfort that she doesn't know if this is because she believes that Mary _did_ write it. Or believes that it was her subconscious. She tries not to listen to Chikako’s inner rantings. She complains about the unfairness of it all.

How it's not fair. How people don't see her. Don't see how lonely she is. How they want to take away her best friend. How they are healthy. How it doesn't _matter_ that Mary can't use her chakra except for basic things. Chakra isn't everything. She can hear the complaints. How there are a bunch! Of! Specialties! A bunch!

Although, Mary has to be fair. That sounds a lot more like Inoichi and Shikaku. It screams of Inojin. That Chikako will never have the chakra or the stamina that the boys will have. That she will never live up to Inoichi. It's not a fair thing. The feminist inside of her wants to laugh in their faces. To tell them that they're being ridiculous. There are actually other specialties. Chikako doesn't have to be a hard-hitting ninjutsu sage. All she has to do is get in that one good hit.

Soldiers got lucky all the time. That was literally what her specialty was in. Probably why she has such a great time talking strategy.

The older girl, meanwhile, has to struggle with the knowledge that she doesn't belong there. She knows she doesn't. Everyone except Chikako and Maen know it. She can feel it in their bones. She can see it every time she opens her eyes and sees the world around her. The world that screams fundamental differences. She does not belong. This is not her world. This is not her life. She has somehow managed to hijack Chikako's.

She misses her own.

It's why it's so important that she help develop social connections for the girl. In case Inoichi ever decides that she does not belong and tries to forcibly remove her. Regardless of what his sister wants.

* * *

Mary starts paying attention to what Chikako is doing when the day is half over. Not enough to try to take over. She doesn't want to have to ruin Chikako's chances, even if she doesn't agree with them.

Except that she doesn't like what she sees. Someone trying to push a little bit of chakra into them. It doesn't fit. She's already uncomfortable with the crawling sensation of it. It's like getting out of the shower and not putting any lotion on. The prickling that doesn't go away no matter how many times you scratch. It's awful. It's an awful thing that she can ignore because it it's Chikako's.

Except this. This is not and so she complains.

 _ **'Make it go away,'**_ she protests. _**'Wait, Chikako? What's happening? Why are you freaking out?'**_

Because the younger girl seems seconds away from a full blown panic attack. When Mary tunes herself to what's going on with their body, Mary near follows her. It's familiar.

Their heart is racing. Chikako's breathing is coming so fast, like she's going to suffocate them both. Mary doesn't understand how she let it get so bad. how she didn't hear Chikako's frantic head-cries for help because she can't breathe.

_'Mari! Mari! Mari, help me! Help me! Helpme! Marihelpme!'_

_**'Sing with me.'**_ Mary tells her, even though they both know that the brunette sounds like a cat who's tail has been stepped on. _**'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine-'**_

Chikako's hiccuping because she can't breathe, but she chimes in with her anyway. In a hesitant and broken little voice. _'You make me happy when skies are gray.'_

_**'Atta girl. You'll never know dear-'** _

_'-how much I love you.'_

They go through Willie Nelson's song - not that the little blonde knows that - twice before Chikako's hiccups lessen.

_**'Break it. Just like Inoichi taught you. Flush your chakra through your system.'** _

She does. Then, she wipes her eyes because Chikako hates to cry where people can see her. She inhales through her nose, holds it for three seconds, and exhales. She repeats it three times and looks around her.

Maen's face is close to theirs. With a look of concern contorting his face. Like he's seconds away from hugging her and making sure that she's okay. It's sweet. He's sweet.

It's why Mary likes him, even if he did let Chikako have that moment of panic. Figures she starts paying attention when they're finishing part of an exam. Chikako throws her arms over the older boy, trying to keep herself from losing anymore face than she has to.

And yet...

Chikako meets Tokuma Hyūga as accidentally as Mary does. And nearly blabs everything. She picks up her bag and heads off eagerly to where they'll be holding the ninjutsu portion of their exam. It's after lunch, so most of them should have energy sprinkling back into their systems from their control exercise earlier. That is to say that she isn't paying attention to what she's doing. She's turned around, dragging Maen with her.

To his credit, he tries to keep her from bumping into him by pulling on her arm back. It tangles her feet and causes her to stumble backwards. Her back smacks into his, sending him sprawling and landing her primly on him.

She jumps to her feet and whirls around to offer him her hands, sputtering apologies and getting redder and redder in the face. She's not even making the effort to brush off her clothes, which speaks volume to how embarrassed she is. Chikako cares more than both Inoichi and Mary would like about what she wears. But, it makes her happy. It's not like she can bring herself to do anything that would disappoint the younger girl, so she does what she can to help.

She can hear the righteous squawk and rant already.

"I'm so sorry!" She apologizes again, helping the disgruntled Hyūga to his feet.

To his credit, and to Mary's immense surprise, he is gracious. Even when the Inuzuka kid cracks up, laughing hard and slapping his knee. The Hyūga just nods his head, coolly.

"I do remember asking you to take care." He says.

It's only because she has experience that she knows he's dry about it. Chikako shoots off a bunch of other apologies, an indignant suggestion that perhaps _he_ should watch where she's going, two excuses and another apology before Maen digs his elbow into her side.

"I feel this is my fault. I did try to stop her." He shrugs that shrug that says he's really not all that sorry.

"Yeah! In my defense, I wasn't even the one who bump-ow! Maen!" She pinches him.

_**'Chikako!'**_ Mary jumps in quickly, before she can say anything else. _**'Do you want to be advance or not? Perhaps don't be late?'**_

"We're gonna be late! So sorry, but come on!" Chikako grabs the Hyūga's sleeve in one hand and Maen's in the other. "What're you still laughing at, Inuzuka? You're going to be late, too!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are great. I can't tell you how much the comments and the kudos and the bookmarks mean to me. That you want to read this or are interested enough to let the notifications bother you, lol.


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